Recently the mother of a two-year old wrote to ask me how she could get more involved in community affairs, especially vis-a-vis her child. Though I found it somewhat ironic that of all people she should be asking The Editor, I also let it go to my head. Therefore I have decided to offer new parents throughout LIC some unsolicited parenting advice1. Though it won’t in anyway advance your kid’s career prospects, it won’t hurt them, …I think, and it might be helpful to you. Today’s subject is your child’s birthday parties, and what you should do each year.
First birthday: Forget about the kid, this one’s for you – you survived the last year! Go to a nice restaurant with the infant, make a late dinner reservation so he/she sleeps through it. This will probably be the last time you can pull this no-babysitting stunt at a restaurant.
Second Birthday: Do not have a party – your child will be completely indifferent to this day’s being any more special than any other day, no matter how many times you tell him or her. He/she will not socialize with other kids, no matter how intellectually superior you think they are. Spare everyone else, and stick to grandparents only.
Third Birthday: See above. This is the last year you can forgo a big production. My advice is to take advantage of it, never again will this be an option. But even if you don’t take my advice, please do not invite anyone who has to drive more than fifteen minutes to get there.2
Fourth Birthday: Game over. But keep it short, simple, and as small as socially possible. Trying to keep other four-year old’s occupied and happy is work.
Fifth Birthday: Alright, the time has come. If you’ve been itching to throw a big party for your kid, this is the first year you may actually get some gratitude for doing so. Of course you only have 2-3 more years of keeping it simple and reasonable…
Sixth Birthday: Ahh, the beginning of drop-off parties. Possibly the best swap you’ll ever make.
Seventh Birthday: Uh-oh, I warned you to keep it simple longer. One year of bliss (sixth birthday), and now things are about to turn the corner, starting with – the sleepover party!
Eighth Birthday – more sleepovers, more elaborate, more expensive. Think tickets to the Knicks or Wicked. Basically the next four years will be upping the ante and a dry run to the bar mitzvah circuit.
There, I’ve got you into teen-hood, after that it’s anyone’s guess. As for the advice itself, like a lot of the observations on LICtalk, it can be applied universally, from Sunnyside to Spain to Samoa.
//LICtalk is experiencing some technical difficulties. Something about our host server and blah, blah, blah. We should have the full site, archives, and comments working by the end of the week. You can defeat us with technology, but we still have the pen …and links.
Paragon Paint Building Plans Revealed – 3 towers, 296 rental units, and a waterfront esplanade along Anabel Basin – see the pics!
Foundation Work Underway at 5Pointz – the latest on this mega project from The Court Square Blog
Beer on Tap in Queens – the WSJ previews Bierocracy: 240 seats w/ an emphasis on Czech and Bavarian brews and “new beer hall cuisine”
Stolle Bakery, Old World Quality and Flavor – pies both savory and sweet in the Falchi Building. I’d go w/ the rabbit and mushroom
Vintage Trains to Run Sundays in December from Queens Plaza – 23rd St./Ely Ave stop too, on the F-train line along 6th Ave, from 10am to 5pm
Man Fatally Hit While Crossing Street in LIC (Blissville) – definitely a dangerous intersection