The long awaited movie version of “The Catcher in the Rye” will begin shooting in Long Island City this June. Martin Scorsese is slated to direct, and in his first-ever starring role on the big screen, Justin Bieber has been signed on to play Holden Caulfield. There will be a casting call next week for a local girl to play Phoebe, a concession requested of the producers by local councilman Jimmy Van Bramer.
J.D. Salinger famously refused to sell the movie rights to “Catcher.” But in a chance coincidence, one of Salinger’s offspring bumped into Harvey Weinstein at Salinger’s shiva. Days later, after many seconds of debating how long the super-low interest rate environment would remain1, his numerous heirs came to the realization that nothing would be a greater tribute to Salinger’s legacy, than to have his self-described ‘novelistic novel’ enshrined on DVD.
And in a now common Hollywood refrain, two sequels in the “Catcher” series will also be filmed back to back in the neighborhood for budgeting purposes. Once the movie begins shooting, Center Boulevard will be closed for parking until December.
The Catcher in the Rye – the official trailer
M. Wells Will Build A Burger Stand in Dutch Kills– Hugue Dufour states that “after many years of experimentation, we’ve come to the conclusion that Ray Kroc was right, ‘there really is nothing better than a hamburger, fries, and a shake’ If this works out like we expect, we’ll be following it up with a red sauce joint in Hunters Point.”
NewsCorp to Merge With LICtalk – Bloomberg reports that in a merger of equals, NewsCorp and LICtalk have secretly decided to tie the knot. In 2015, Rupert Murdoch will step down as CEO of the new combination, and the current Editor of LICtalk,…
The Dalton School to Open an Annex in Long Island City – “the outstanding caliber of the parents, not to mention their overall attractiveness, warrants our first ever expansion.” Tuition starts at $90,000 and kindergarteners will be expected to be fluent in Mandarin.
Hunters Point Library to Be Completed This Century – April Fools!
Donald Trump to Develop Phase Three of Hunters Point – we plan to build the most luxurious apartments ever known to man, lease them out to the hard working people of New York …but not too hard working, at a significant discount to the market rate, and still make an obscene fortune. The Art of the Deal!
- in a tip of the hat for setting it all up, Ben Bernanke will play “Maurice,” the elevator operator [↩]
Anonymous says
April 1, 2014 at 7:28 amHah, April Fool…
Anonymous says
April 1, 2014 at 8:30 amLove it! 🙂