editor

According to a recent expose in the New York News, Long Island City has evolved into a major hub of promiscuity.  An unusual occurrence of circumstances has led to this leadership role.   First off is the proliferation of hotels that have sprouted recently.  Their reasonable hourly rates, combined with the laissez-faire attitude adopted when on vacation, and mixed with the new slogan adopted by the LIC Chamber of Merchandising(LICCM) “What happens in Queens stays in Queens” is really giving New Canaan a run for it’s money as the key party capital.  In addition to the new slogan, it’s not unusual to hear Manhattanites utter that sex in the outer boros doesn’t really count anyway.  Throw in a thriving artist community(think Picasso, De Kooning, Pollock) and philandery has become LIC’s biggest export …and import.   Finally, the locals have joined in too, as the short commutes have left plenty of time for illicit rendezvous.  Mary M., a 30-something attorney and local mother of two toddlers states “Despite working long days and weekends at a major law firm in order to make partner, I simply find I have an extra 20-30 minutes every day of unallocated time.”  At the other end of the spectrum is Tyler S., a neo-nerd currently working for the start-up zilch.com, who takes a different tack on why this phenomenon has occurred locally “It’s long overdue that Queens one-ups Brooklyn in something hip.”  He goes on to share the new craze amongst his generation(or did he say genre?): virtual orgies.  Which when boiled down didn’t sound the least bit new to this long ago teenager.  Tyler’s predilection notwithstanding, LIC’s reputation as the new swinging capital of the world is not expected to go away anytime soon.  Local politician Mike Van Nolan has just received $600,000 from the City Council for an illuminated sign advertising our newfound moniker, which will be placed on the waterfront for the whole world to know. Keep that in mind next time you think you recognize an attractive twosome at Shady Park “Hey honey, isn’t that the couple from Bushwick that we…”

McDonald’s Coming to Vernon Boulevard – they’ve been fast-tracked, expect Big Macs by Arbor Day

Obama to Stay in LIC for the Next UN Meeting – Clinton will too, that’s Bill not Hillary, he booked a suite for a month

MTA Says 7-Train Repairs Not Needed Again Until 2019 – April Fools!

Joe Parker of 44th Drive Inflicted with Toenail Fungus – doctor says he’s only got 20-30 years left

Abby Bichon Plays with Her Food – patterns made by 3-year old have her mother convinced she’s destined for Harvard

Who says 30+ year olds can’t attend Spring Break?  Well you should know by now that LICtalk breaks all the rules.  Thus I’m heading to Daytona this week ..or is it Cancun, or maybe Panama City?  I don’t know, just one of those locations in Girls Gone Wild that I never got to attend when I was a little more age appropriate.  These days though I’m better prepared for a vacation such as this, with an expense account and press pass hanging around my neck. Tres cool!  Of course I’m also lugging an extra 30 pounds and need to wear a hat all day due to my thinning hair, but as they say in South Padre Island “No Problem Mon.”  Alas, it also means I will be unable to update you all on the local comings and goings for a week, but nothing really happens in this town without me, right?  Well before I go I’ll comment on two items.  First, according to the Hunters Point South February update, the overall HPS park construction is 62% complete.  Uhh ok. so when does that mean the park will be open?  Secondly, as was made mention several times in the comments section of our December 5th post Dogs and Beer: numerous dog owners have not been picking up after their dogs.  Apparently this is also a problem in the adjacent towns in Queens.  So much so that Jimmy Van Bramer is kicking off a campaign in Sunnyside, and a vigilante in Astoria has taken matters into his own hands with a clever solution.  Whatever the answer is, I expect it all to be cleared up when I return next week.  Oh, and while we’re clearing the decks, let’s get all these snowstorms and cold weather outta here too!

JVB Kicks Off Curb Your Dog Campaign – replete w/ his ever present pack of little truants

Astoria Resident Pooh-Poohs Dog Doo With His Street Art – Charles Bronson would be proud

Queens Hotel Boom Brings NYC Tourists Across The River – wow, two stories in one week extolling LIC as a vacation hub.  Watch out Disney World!

Five Animal Burger Tasting at Alewife – moo, snort, quack, baa, and a little more moo.  But no woof …yet