I gave you a brand-new Ford
You said I want a Cadillac
I bought you a ten dollar dinner
You said thanks for the snack
I just saw ‘Freestyle Love Supreme’ on Broadway and really wanted to create a freestyle rap tying together all of today’s disparate local news stories. Unfortunately I quickly discovered I’m as bad at rapping as I am at writing. So I’ll fallback on snark and hone in on critiquing a listicle that’s equally, umm, not good.
Published by OpenTable and titled ’50 Best Restaurants For a Date in America for 2019′ its relevance to this site is that it includes ‘Blend On The Water’ here in LIC. The other restaurant it includes in NYC? The Chart House restaurant in Weehawken, which overlooks Manhattan but when you’re finished with your steak you’re still in New Jersey. That’s it. There are none in Manhattan, nor heart-leaving San Francisco for that matter, but six located in Las Vegas. Wait, maybe they’re confusing dating with hooking up? Not a chance, just read the horrible copy in the press release accompanying the list, it’s more likely to induce nausea than hunger.
Other faux pas include using “America” in the title instead of “U.S.,” but maybe the Eiffel Tower restaurant is a suitable substitute for the culinary wastelands that are Montreal and Mexico City? Or coming out with a ‘best of’ 2019 in mid-October? Or maybe the blind methodology generated solely by diner reviews? Given these results without any curation, humans should have no fears of being replaced by AI. But were they to follow these top recommendations for date night, they might be headed for extinction.
Here Are The Best Restaurants To Go On A Date In The Tristate According to OpenTable – the ‘Blend’ pic doesn’t do them any favors, I might cuff one of those bread rolls instead
OpenTable Reveals The 50 Best Restaurants For a Date in America – or maybe a form of birth control
Michelin’s 2020 Bib Gourmand List Is Out – added Bellwether on Vernon Blvd
Tallest Skyscraper in LIC/Queens Tops Out – Skyline Tower now at 778-ft, will go no higher
Ex-LaGuardia CC Head Gail Mellow Will Spearhead Master Plan for LIC Waterfront – simple 1. Rec Center 2. Bridge to Rsvlt Isld
Bernie Sanders Returns to Campaign Trail With Long Island City Rally on Saturday – Berning Man comes to QueensBridge
FreshDirect Stumbles Out of LIC And Might Be For Sale – dogged by logistics problems ever since moving to the Bronx, the irony is they might be bought by Amazon