blend on the water

I gave you a brand-new Ford
You said I want a Cadillac
I bought you a ten dollar dinner
You said thanks for the snack

I just saw ‘Freestyle Love Supreme’ on Broadway and really wanted to create a freestyle rap tying together all of today’s disparate local news stories. Unfortunately I quickly discovered I’m as bad at rapping as I am at writing. So I’ll fallback on snark and hone in on critiquing a listicle that’s equally, umm, not good.